Family interference can really throw a wrench into romantic relationships, especially in this part of the world. It happens when parents, siblings, or extended relatives overstep their bounds and stick their noses where they don’t belong – your personal business as a couple.
Now, don’t get me wrong, they might mean well sometimes, but family interference often does more harm than good because it plant seeds of doubt and conflict between partners.
These intrusions make an already challenging relationship or marriage even rockier. You and your partner can end up walking on eggshells, struggling to keep your families happy while staying true to yourselves and each other.
This isn’t how it should be and I’ll love nothing more than to tell you how to deal with it, but let’s begin with identifying various kinds of family interference.
Types of Family Interference
- Overstepping boundaries: This takes the form of dishing out unsolicited advice or meddling in your arguments as a couple. Like saying “You should do it this way,” or trying to take sides and mediate your private disagreements.
- Constant negative comments or criticism about your partner: Subtle digs like “Are you sure they’re the right one for you?” or even overt insults about their personality, job, ambitions, etc.
- Unequal treatment: Situations where families clearly play favorites between partners, adoring one spouse while giving the other the cold shoulder. This uneven treatment causes issues of loyalty and hurt feelings.
- Outright rejection of your choice: When families disapprove of and refuse to accept the relationship entirely from the start. Saying things like “I’ll never consider them part of our family.”
Each and everyone of these types of family interference undermine the boundaries and autonomy of any couple. And when you, as a man, fail to set limits to protect your relationship, certain things are bound to happen. Let’s take a look.
Impact of Family Interference
- Increased stress and tension: When family members overstep boundaries and meddle in the couple’s affairs, it can create unnecessary stress and tension. For instance, if a mother-in-law constantly criticizes or undermines one partner’s decisions, it can put a strain on the relationship.
- Communication breakdowns between partners: Partners may feel torn between loyalty to their family and their significant other. They may avoid discussing certain topics or feel the need to defend their family’s actions, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.
- Feelings of isolation or resentment: When one partner consistently prioritizes their family’s demands over their significant other’s needs, it can foster feelings of isolation and resentment in the neglected partner. This can breed emotional distance and a lack of emotional intimacy.
- Difficulty making decisions as a couple: Excessive family involvement can make it challenging for couples to make decisions independently. Family members may impose their opinions or expectations, making it difficult for the couple to prioritize their own goals and values.
Tips for Dealing with Family Interference
- Open communication: As a man, you have to be comfortable with doing certain things that makes you uncomfortable. This includes sitting your partner down and discussing your concerns openly and figuring out how to develop a united front on how you want to handle the situation. This fosters a strong partnership and prevents family members from driving a wedge between you.
- Set and enforce boundaries: Set the ball rolling by communicating your expectations with your family members in a respectful manner, making it clear that you and your partner are a unit and that certain topics or behaviors are off-limits. Be firm but polite, and don’t let guilt or manipulation sway you. Also, be willing to enforce these limits if a relative tries to meddle.
- Limit the information you share: Avoid divulging sensitive relationship details that could be used against you or your partner. Discretion can prevent unnecessary drama and protect your privacy.
- Go for couples’ therapy: I know what you’re wondering – is this a thing in Nigeria? Yes, it is even though it’s not popular like it is in the west. Going for counseling has a lot of benefits because you’re seeking the advice and guidance of a professional who can give an objective perspective on things. They can teach you how to have those difficult conversations with your family members, how to set healthy boundaries, and how to resolve conflicts with your partner. When you throw in the patient-therapist confidentiality into the mix, that’s a perfect deal if you ask me. You can read more about it here.
I sincerely hope this will help you figure out how to get rid of or at least eliminate (to a large extent) family interference in your relationship or marriage. Remember the key tips – open communication with your partner, setting boundaries with family, limiting information sharing, and seeking couples therapy if needed. The goal is to battle family interference as a unit. Until next time!
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