How to Handle Cultural Differences in Nigerian Relationships

They say when a Nigerian man truly loves his wife, he carries her belongings on top of his head when they travel. However, crossing cultural boundaries in love isn’t always so straightforward. Traditions and expectations around dating, marriage, and family roles can differ vastly depending on one’s ethnic group, religion, and upbringing within Nigeria’s richly diverse society. 

When couples hail from different cultures, handling those differences requires a lot and sometimes, they can get overwhelming. But cultural gaps don’t have to be deal-breakers, they can even bond partners more deeply if approached with curiosity and care. 

And that is what this article is all about, continue reading to know more. 

Understanding the Nigerian Culture

In the context of relationships, I’ll be focusing on two things:

• Family: In Nigerian culture, family takes center stage and I’m not just referring to the nuclear unit, but a whole universe of aunties, uncles, cousins, and revered elders. Big life decisions like marriage often involve the entire extended family. A husband’s commitment is as much to his wife as it is to her lineage.
• Courtship: This process highlights these cultural touchpoints. In many ethnic groups, a proper introduction isn’t just between two people, but two families. After expressing interest, a man’s relatives will visit the woman’s home to get approval from her family’s elders. Rituals and gift offerings follow before wedding preparations can even begin. Once they’re approved, the couple enters an elaborate courting phase under the watchful eyes of both extended families. It’s about solidifying family ties and ensuring mutual understanding before marriage. While not all of these may be observed in our times, the broader community’s involvement remains deeply valued.

It’s understandable that where cultural differences abound, there’s bound to be some difficulties and this brings us to the next section.

The Potential Challenges to Address

• The pace of the relationship: Courtships and engagements tend to move more slowly in Nigerian culture compared to Western climes. Taking that crucial step into marriage involves extensive vetting and approval from the entire family, not just two individuals. For couples where one partner is used to a quicker pace of commitment, this approach can breed frustration and mismatched expectations.
• Financial expectations: Specific financial roles and responsibilities in marriage can differ across Nigerian cultures. A common tradition is for the man to pay a “bride price” to the woman’s family. Similarly, the husband is often expected to solely provide for the household. Partners from cultures with more egalitarian financial customs may struggle with embracing these ‘foreign’ norms.
• Balancing cultures: At the heart of many challenges is the balance between respecting long-held Nigerian traditions and introducing more progressive ideas. Here are some potential friction points:
  • Gender roles around housework, parenting, and careers
  • Involvement of extended family in personal decisions
  • Physical displays of affection in private and public settings
  • Compromise around wedding ceremonies and celebrations

How to Bridge the Cultural Differences in Your Relationship

• Discuss deal-breakers early: Maybe your partner’s culture expects the wife to quit her job after having kids, but your career is non-negotiable. Get those red lines out in the open from day one so you don’t waste each other’s time.
• Be open and curious: You’re not just marrying your partner, you’re gaining an entirely new culture too. So, you should approach that with a learner’s mindset instead of making assumptions. Ask questions, do your research, and keep an open mind.
• Don’t dismiss traditions as outdated: What seems antiquated to you may hold profound spiritual or philosophical meaning for your partner. Try to understand the deeper significance behind cultural practices before writing them off, especially when they’ve worked for several marriages before yours. 
• Be flexible: I know I said we shouldn’t dismiss traditions, but that doesn’t mean we should also adhere so rigidly to it. Move with the times and get creative about fusing customs in a way that works for both of you.

Agree on a culture ambassador: While your partner can lead on educating your family about Nigerian naming ceremonies, you can help introduce their relatives to your holiday traditions. Be intentional about dividing these roles.

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